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Is "Queer" Offensive?

Pride in Rocktown

by Reverend Jeffery D. Harris

July 24, 2016

8:00 AM

Hello! My name is, well the truth, my name is not as important as this story! Anyway, Jeremy it is. But more than that, I hope this helps that young gay boy, lesbian girl or trans-person to accept themselves and know there is nothing wrong with them.

Life for me has always been strange; heck I’m strange! I didn’t know it then but in retrospect, “weird” is the word I would have chosen. My garb, fun--ky! I never knew what to expect from me and neither should anyone else. Today it was Goth, then prep, then punk; that’s how I presented my fashion and my gamut of emotions! However, I loved my varied styles, the “Goth look”, although it didn’t always go well because my skin is extremely dark. Can you imagine a really dark teen in an oversized black trench coat and all these chains hanging off it? Baggy black pants with a black mail bag or duffel! Black combat boots and oh, I almost forgot the black lipstick with the dark eyeliner. That’s a fashion no, no, for me but it went with the style.

And the, “locals”, can you say “shameless.” That’s what I call them. No matter what time of day, I could always find them doing the same thing. Either standing on the corner, about 5 to 10 deep or inside the Chinese store; not buying anything just there taking up space and sucking up air. Even when I went to school and came home they were still “posted up” in either location. I wondered if any of them had ever been off the block or out of the neighborhood. However, the “locals”, laughing me to scorn was the daily routine. If they were not picking at me for my style of dress, it was for the darkness of my skin.

Anyway, a 15 young black kid with spiked reddish hair or even blond hair living in the heart of Baltimore City, East side to say the least. You can only imagine the stares and violent insults I got as I waited for the bus to get to school or just to meet up with some “friends”. The insults whirled at me were heart wrenching many days and unbearable. Being called: gay, fag, queen, punk, sissy or even a bottom boy; what in the hell is a “bottom boy?” I thought many times “how can people speak so mean about someone they don’t know?” My mental consolation, “they are the locals! Who cares what they think?” It still hurt though.

The really strange part, I came from an awesome family, with great manners, intelligence and my parents are devout Christians. They are very grass roots, but educated and hard workers. Mom is an Epidemiologist at a local hospital, while my dad is a blue collar worker who worked his way to upper level management with is sizable raise, his own secretary and an elaborate office. They met in their junior year of college and the rest is history. My siblings and I were reared to have much respect for our elders and even people we didn’t know. “Uphold the laws of the land” my dad religiously said. “Treat people nice, go to church and pray to God for guidance and knowledge and that will be the solution to all your problems”, said mom. Well, she not 15 anymore.

You ever had that strange feeling that this day is going to be interesting? Not sure what or how but just a feeling. Well, I woke this morning and had that feeling.

It started off good and then, well… The bell rang to change class and my next period was gym. My good buddy Samuel came to chat for a few. His class was immediately before mine. Sam normally stayed around later to work out and do the “jock” thing. You know, running track, lifting weights, shoot the breeze with his other “jock” friends and discuss the local girls they taunted and so forth. However, today, it was “extremely awkward?” That “feeling” I mentioned earlier. Well, not for Sam, but me. Sam has always approached me with a towel wrapped around his waist showing off his muscles; yeah, yeah, yeah. Sat down in front of me and literally have a whole conversation while drying off. Mentally I be like “du----de would you please wrap up? Or put some clothes on!”

But TODAY! Something happen and it was wonky. Sam approached me rubbing that scruffy towel over his muscular body but this time my eyes followed his every swirl. It was like with every circular motion I became more and more enchanted as the towel went over his biceps, triceps; across his brown muscular chest, pecks sitting so high and round and that deep crease in the middle. Down went the towel over his 6 pack, and around that V waist line then thrust down across his pubic hairs and THAT’S WHERE I LOST IT! I lost my total thought. My heart beats were so fast, I swear they could be heard 2 isles over. The thumping beats became deafening to me. All of sudden I got light-headed and heated as the blood thrust through every vein of my body. Literally, the movement of blood in my veins I felt. Understanding what was going on, I was totally oblivious. These emotions were coming from some place which I had no clue! How!? What!? When!? Where!?

Before I knew it I felt my “manhood” stretching and growing until it was at full command and I stuttered over my words as I quickly made my way to escape him and the conversation. “Oh my gawd, what just happen?” Where did those emotions come from? How could I…? Why did I…? Who am I…? Where did I…? When did I…? What does this mean? What will my friends and family think? Does this mean I’m, (sigh) gay? I have never, yes I am a virgin! Never had a sexual encounter with a female and definitely never thought of sex with a dude. But Sam was a nice specimen of man!” Golden brown and a man’s man! The way he walked! He had that, what we call “swag”. He that slick type a dude! Slightly bow-legged and the way he talk. Even his voice and language compels you. All the girls like him. But now, he, umm, I… These thoughts are mine? Why is my psyche playing tricks on me? “I AM NOT GAY!” I really like the young lady in my science class. She is so beautiful and has a nice body.

All the way home though, continuously I saw Sam naked and talking to me, well I saw his lips moving but not a word could I hear. Every time I visualized Sam drying himself, my level of arousal became; harder and harder. I did not know what to do. My thoughts were detailed; it was like he was still standing in front me. The mental picture of him was a real as my hand in my face; like reaching out to touch him was truly a possibility. What will he think of me? What will my family think? I don’t even know what to think!!!

That walk home and the quietness-so loud and being concerned about what the locals thought of me were the last of my worries.

Nightfall came not fast enough. Thinking this was some type of crazy dream and when morning comes it will all be over. Well, the night seem to last way too long. Sleep was not my friend. She ran quickly and so as I pondered today’s events and what it all meant. NO resolution. How I would share this, or if I would ever share it. What would I share, because I have no idea of what “ it is”? Most of all, who would I share it with?

Being a nerd, loving words now has its advantages. I need to know what just happen! “Google here I come!” “LGBTQ”, I knew it was something about being gay, “ their acronym”. I learned what it stood for and by the process of elimination I think I might be the “Q”; meaning “queer” or “questioning”. And for the next several days and waking moments I avoided Sam and studied everything my hands could find. I became a walking SME, (subject matter expert) regarding “ their ” community, because I am NOT GAY! One major thing I learned, just because I have this type of response or reactions about a person does not mean I’m gay. “Questioning” is just that, I have mental questions. Those thoughts might be exemplified in my body per say, as it did with Sam. Moreover, one is not “gay” until they have sex with the same gender. Another term, “homoerotic” is a great way to say it too. I might could live with that, because I am NOT GAY! Meaning I have an attraction to the same gender but never had a sexual encounter.

Avoiding Sam, well, physically yes but mentally “NO”, he is always around looking the same and doing the same thing. My manhood, also doing the same thing, rising to the occasion very quickly, but what do I do with this knowledge? How do I maneuver now with Sam, in life and existence? Do I mention it to my family? What does God think of me? Will I go to “hell” as church people say? Am I demon as Christians have said in their religious settings? Too many questions and so few answers.

Well, I can’t leave you hanging like that. After a few days, Sam and I run into each other in the hallway and he asks if we can study together? I agree because I have to learn how to deal with this “thing”. Got it all under control. Hours later, a knock at the front door; it’s Sam. We make a few laughs as I refuse to look directly in his eyes. We head to the basement, pull up some pillows and crack the books. Sam ask for the bathroom, saying he be holding it all the way over here. I’m feeling a little better, for I’m armed per say and plus my mom is upstairs. Thank God! The studying starts and silence fills the room, but not my head. All I can imagine; NO! “I refuse to think of that horrible moment anymore. We are friends and everything is good now”, that’s what I’m telling myself.

Anyway, I throw a question at Sam about the test and back and forth it starts, bouncing questions off each other like in times past. Feels like ole times! I got my “buddy” back. Mom calls downstairs to say, “There’re snacks up here, dinners on the stove” and she has to run out and be back soon. Not long afterwards Sam says, “Hey, bathroom break.” My response, “you know where it is.” I never look up. But something compels me to raise my eyes. Sam stands while my mind starts to play tricks on me again. As my raised eyes catch his muscular thighs and proceed upward, his manhood is at full attention, stretching across his thigh and He questions me: “where your moms go and how long you think she gone be gone?” As I place my hands on table to stand, he walks towards me with this strange look in his eyes and I back up. He looks like he can see straight through me. He can read my thoughts and sense my emotions. Sam reaches out to touch me and then…

The moral of the story, these experiences are really happening in 21 st century. In our homes, churches, schools our other community environments. We need to learn how to address these matters with our teens and young adults. Love our children through this process of their life.

What is not said, but implied; Sam is older and a senior at the school. He has had several sexual encounters with men, while the younger, Jeremy has not. We don’t know Sam’s status of HIV or even if he has any STDs. But more is important, Jeremy should not have to be forced to make this decision without having all the facts. He doesn’t know what he wants to do sexually? He is in the right age bracket to encounter and have all the mental and physical experiences with an erection. So where does he go, the church or his family? He should be able to go either but many teens and young adults do not have anyone to express themselves to or share these emotions.

Many have had or will have this form of encounter and no one to discuss this with. Hey mom and dad!!! Can your child talk to you about this experience? Can they tell you they are having these types of emotions? Will you still love your child regardless? Or will you be like many other parents who are heartless and selfish and refuse to love, care and accept their child even though the child is same gender loving. Therefore, the child is forced to leave the home and seek other living conditions; maybe with a family member, but many times not.

Many teens and young adults once they leave them are so confused about what just happen. How do you, mom or dad, expect your child to understand or deal with this matter on their own. The mountain top of emotions and now compounded with being homeless. Imagine it, I am 15 and use to being in a love and caring environment. I am a great kid, not crazy or causing my parent any form of heart ache, but now I have experiences these strange emotions for the same gender as Jeremy did. Food, shelter and clothing which were all provided by my parents, I now have to provide on my own.

If you think your child has had this type of experience or even think you child might be same gender loving, but you don’t know what to do about it. Reach out to license social worker or someone who can help you understand and process this situation. The last thing you need to do, mom or dad is to throw your child to the streets; because the streets are waiting for them. And within 6 to 12 months you might not recognize your child any longer.

For more information and where you can get some assistance, please contact Pastor Jeff Harris at: truthandlovefellowship@unitevamag.com . We can refer and get you some help.

Pastor Jeff Harris

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